Winning and Losing

 Galations 6:9 Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up. (NIV)

Three weeks ago, Jianne, our 5-year-old, attended her first Daily Vacation Bible School (DVBS) in our church. It was a 2-day affair with a culmination activity on the third day. During the culmination, the kids get to dance to the songs they learned for the past two days. Following the song and dance and video showing, the awarding ceremony followed. Awards were given to kids who were most attentive, most obedient and who were best in crafts. Two students from each grade level were awarded with a certificate and a toy. I was unaware that Jianne was anxiously waiting for her name to be called. Every time the awards were Prep were announced, she would sit at the edge of her chair getting ready to stand up. One of her seatmates got an award and she proudly showed it to Jianne. I think this really did it for her. After the awards were given, she looked at me with angry eyes. She blurted out, "I don't want to attend this anymore. I don't like it!" "Why?" I prodded knowing what the reason for her anger. I gently told her that it's okay if she doesn't get an award since it was her first time to join DVBS. She wouldn't listen and was moping until the event was over.

When this little girl's mood turns sour, it's difficult to bring her back. Her Papa tried to console her but she just wouldn't budge. As we exited the sanctuary, the kids were given loot bags and tumblers as souvenirs. Those were not enough to cheer her up. While in the car, her Papa and I explained to her that not all the time she will be receiving an award or prize for something she did. She did not listen and her face showed how disappointed she was.

We headed to the toy store afterwards to buy Coby's gift from my mother. Mommy sent Coby money for his birthday and asked if we could just pick out the gift for him. I told Jianne that we would pick out a gift for Kuya and that I could her something simple (meaning cheap) because she did well on her first DVBS and danced well too. She said she did not want any thing but after much prodding she finally gave in. What child wouldn't want any toy? So we got her something really simple and she was happy after that.

As construction worker

The following night, we got a set of Pick-Up-Sticks for the family. While the family was playing, I noticed that Jianne was getting frustrated again because she could not get any of the sticks on the floor. Every time she tries to pick up one, the other sticks would move. After a few tries, she just gave up. She stood up and walked out on us. We called her back and she was sulking. Her Papa and I, again, explained to her that she doesn't always have to win the game. I told her it's her first time to play Pick-Up-Sticks and it's not easy to play it. I taught them some techniques on how to make sure the other sticks won't move. I added that if she really wanted to be good at it, she has to practice and practice. The same thing she did in her ballet class. When she started her ballet lessons there were some steps that she found difficult to execute but because of practice she mastered the steps.

After that, almost every night, Jianne and I would play Pick-Up-Sticks together. She is getting the hang of it and she is getting more sticks now! The last game we played, I won but it didn't bother her anymore. She was just happy to have gotten more sticks than in the previous games.

We would always tell the kids that in a game there would be winners and losers. Sometimes we're the winners and at times we're at the losing end. It feels good to win, of course, but more importantly is how you played the game. If we really gave our best and yet somebody else got the trophy, it disheartening but that's how it is. We need to accept that. Maybe in another game, we will be winners too.

Philippians 2:3 Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves. (NIV)

Join the Philippine Homeschool Conference 2012

You might be hearing about homeschooling from friends or relatives and you are clueless about it. What is homeschooling all about? Join us at the Philippine Homeschool Conference 2012 on May 19, 2012 at the 5th floor of St. Francis Square Ortigas and discover the best education you can give your kids. Conference is a whole day affair from 8 am to 4pm. Learn from a homeschooler pioneer, Debra Bell, best-selling author of "Ultimate Guide to Homeschooling" and other Philippine-based homeschoolers and pioneers. Visit www.hapihomeschooler.com for more details. See you at the conference!

The Holistic Homeschooler: 10 Ways to Ensure Homeschool Burnout

As I searched the net for activities for the kids during the break, I was led to this site. This would serve as a reminder for me as we get ready for another homeschooling year. Credits to Michelle for this blog.

The Holistic Homeschooler: 10 Ways to Ensure Homeschool Burnout: In the homeschool community, we hear about homeschool burnout. Many of us have experienced it. There are many things written about how this ...http://holistichomeschooler.blogspot.com/2012/03/10-ways-to-ensure-homeschool-burnout.html

Completed

Coby completed third grade! It was a turbulent homeschooling year for the family. There were just too much to deal with last year. Moving out of my parents' house and venturing out on our own. Chores, chores and more chores. Jianne started homeschooling too. In and out of the house because of ballet and art lessons. Noisy and stressful neighbor. Online job but gave it up eventually. And a growing 8-year-old boy.

 I am ashamed to narrate the gory details of how I acted during the school year not only as a mom but a teacher as well, but by the grace of God, I know I have been forgiven and I am forward.

The negative experiences not only highlighted my weakness and how I really needed God to watch over me every second of the day but it also opened my eyes to what God wants me to do. How he wants me to respond and not react, to speak softly and not to shout, to let go of situations I have no control of and to be patient with others and myself.

Here are some of my aha moments the past school year:

• Whether you're a homeschooling mom or not, it is a necessity to have a  personal quiet time with the Creator before you start your day. It may 10 minutes or 1 hour, as long as you commit the rest of the day to Him, I am sure the troubles of the day would have less impact on you compared to having no time with Him at all.

• I saw that our homeschooling year for the third year lacked planning and scheduling. Because I just had too much to do doesn't give me the excuse not to plan appropriately the lessons to be covered. Whether you're new at home education or a pro, I believe nothing beats a parent-teacher who is prepared with the lessons and has extra tricks up her sleeves when the need arises. Diligence in planning and consistency in implementing need to be developed. 

• If the emotions are running high, run away from it. Don't let your frustration and anger get the best of you and hurt your child. You know yourself. You know what makes you lose it. So before you finally explode and do crazy things, stop and run away from the situation. Tell your child, you just need to step away for a while, you need a time out. Go somewhere where they cannot see you and breathe. Calm down and PRAY! There is no urgent need that a mother whose top is about to blow! Cry out to God to help you and I assure you, He will give you the grace you need for that moment. 

• Parenting skills and homeschooling work together. If you have not developed good parenting skills, you might find it difficult to to teach your child at home. How can you expect your child to do what is asked of him or her if obedience is not a trait demanded at home. I am not a parent expert but I seek older parents who share the same values as I do. Read books or blogs on parenting that are biblical and whose aim is encourage you to  be a God-centered family. 

There are a lot more aha moments this year but I focused on these first. I know I would be adding more to the list as the days go by. 

As I computed Coby's final grades, I was amazed at the improvement. I showed him his grades and he was happy with it too. I thanked him for  being patient with me and bearing with my flaws. Although, he is not yet graduating, I feel it's like a graduation of some sort for both us. Graduating from the childish ways and facing the challenges in a mature and Christlike way. We are both looking forward to the fourth grade with a new perspective,  healed hearts and a new home. To God be the glory. 

School Starts at Home: What You Should Know About Homeschooling

It was a sunny Tuesday morning at the first day of swim camp.  The coach guided the boys and girls to the other side of the pool, while their moms settled on the benches nearby.  One mom initiated a conversation with another mom, “So where does you child go to school?” The mom would then reply with a smile, “Oh, he is homeschooled.”  She paused for a while before replying while the other moms listened in the conversation.  “Oh, home school,” she looked puzzled.  “How about his socialization,” she further inquired.  The homeschooling mom asked back, “What about it?”

Socialization starts at home

As a homeschooling mom now for three years, the question on socialization would always be raised whenever I reveal that we are a homeschooling family.  I would patiently explain that socialization is never an issue with homeschooled kids as some would assume.  The Encarta dictionary says that to socialize means to take part in a social activity or behave in a friendly way to others.  ‘Social activity’ and ‘behaving in a friendly way to others’ is not confined solely inside the classroom amidst 40 or so classmates.  A child can be friendly in any social setting, may it be in the kitchen with mom and the helper, in the playroom with a younger or older sibling, in the neighbourhood, in church, in family get-togethers—name it, there is always a place where a child can “socialize”.  I believe that socialization really starts at home, as soon as the baby is born.  The baby’s first connects with the mom, the dad, brothers or sisters, the grandparents, helpers, relatives and friends.   The parents’ values, behaviour and manners are unintentionally or sometimes intentionally modelled to the children.  Homeschooling encourages bonding with the family and for parents to teach and model character traits that teach independence, responsibility, confidence and respect. 

Math in the Kitchen

One homeschooling program’s slogan says, “The world is my classroom!”  How fun would that be if the whole world or the universe is your classroom! Our son and I studied Science in the garden as we planted new seeds, cared for them and watched them grow.   He appreciated the lesson about caring for the earth so he practices the three R’s Reduce, Reuse, Recycle at home.   He is fond of creating artwork from old cereal boxes, cans or disposable containers.   We learned fractions in the kitchen by cutting one slice of bread into small squares and putting different spreads on top, 1/6 has peanut butter, 2/6 has strawberry jam and 3/6 has Cheez Whiz.  Our son loves to write love letters, so his grammar and writing skills are being developed constantly.  One homeschooling family shares that for social studies, they took a trip to Kawit, Cavite to visit the Aguinaldo shrine, the site where our country’s independence was declared.   Joy, another homeschooling mother of 4, takes her boys to the park along with crayons, paintbrushes and lots and lots paper to draw and paint whatever they see.  Homeschooling can be done anywhere.  Homeschooling families are not prisoners of the home.     

Homeschooling accredited by DEPED

The Department of Education has allowed homeschool programs to operate provided such programs are under the umbrella of a formal or traditional school.  Prospective homeschooling families can choose from a variety of homeschooling programs available including The Master’s Academy Homeschool Department located in St. Francis Square Ortigas, Pasig City (www.tmahomeschool.org), The Catholic  Filipino Academy in Chicago Street Cubao, Quezon City (http://catholicfilipinoacademy.com), Victory Christian School in Parkway Avenue Bonifacio Global City (8171212), The Living Heritage Academy of the Philippine School of Tomorrow located in Levitown Executive Village Don Bosco Paranaque City (8224433).  For more information on other homeschool programs, visit the Department of Education website www.deped.gov.ph.

More time to develop child’s skills and gifts/talents

The concept of homeschooling allows the children to spend more time in special skills or interests.  Since DEPED requires that homeschooling program adheres to the government curriculum, Music, Arts and P.E. (MAPE) classes are required.  Whether the child is interested in sports, music or art, he or she can attend any classes offered by the homeschooling programs or elsewhere.  MAPE classes are a venue for homeschooled kids to meet other kids.   Since these kids meet regularly they eventually become friends and can schedule playtime with them outside the MAPE classes.  Support whatever interests the kids are inclined to. Who knows they might turn out to be the next Albert Einstein, Beethoven, Eric Buhain, Lisa Macuja or Lea Salonga.  Aubrey, a homeschooling mom of two, says that homeschooling gave her daughter the freedom to explore her dreams of becoming a ballerina.  During her elementary days, Alex would have school in the morning with mom and pursue ballet in the afternoons and sometimes including weekends.  Now Alex is part of a prestigious ballet company in the country and has also been competing internationally in ballet competitions. 

Character is priority

When my mother who is in the U.S. learned that we plan to homeschool our first child, she was not really enthusiastic about it and I understand why.  She would argue that my brothers and I grew in traditional schools and we ended up okay.  But growing up in the 80’s is far more different than growing up these days.  Kids these days are so in a hurry to grow up that you can’t keep up with them.  An 11-year-old girl would beg her mom to allow her to have a boyfriend.  Young boys think it’s cool to smoke and tease other boys who don’t.  Sad to say but in the generation that we are living in now, it’s not all academics, it’s not how intelligent you are or whether you got a 97 or 98 in the card.  In one article I read about hiring employees, the interviewer does not really focus on what school you went to or what were your achievements, but the employer is looking at how you can deal with the people around you, they are not looking for IQ but for EQ. Tita Girlie, who is one of the pioneering homeschooling families in the Philippines just sent his son to one of the well-known universities in Quezon City.  Before entering the university, Josh confidently spoke in front of a panel of heads and professors of the university he is about to enter.  He shared with his mom that he is quite shocked by the way his schoolmates dress in school but he adds that he is thankful for the Bible verses and the lessons he and his mom studied in his homeschooling days.  Once Josh was asked who are his best friends, he proudly said that his best friends are his mom and dad.

  

Me Time

I have met moms last year whom I have shared the benches with nine months. All of us wait for our little daughters in their ballet class. I cannot say we have developed a deep friendship but I would say, each of the moms at least care for the well-being of the other moms. In one of our candid conversations, I have shared that all of us dedicated :-) moms should have our break, a day off or a Me Time. We need to get out once in a while just to recharge and think about ourselves even for just a few hours or a whole day even.

Thursdays are my Me-Time. My day starts with BSF, which is a bible study I have been attending for 6 seasons now or about 5 to 6 years. After BSF, my BSF classmates, who have become friends through the years, and I have lunch in one of the restaurants nearby. We catch up on things, family, business and just about anything. It's our way of reconnecting with one another. Keeping the friendship alive. After lunch I would usually do my errands, pay bills, do grocery shopping. I would do anything on that day. I will not teach during that day but would leave work for my son to do while I'm out. I don't spend the whole day out because by the time we finish our lunch or my errands, I am just too in a hurry to see the kids once again with a refreshed mind, recharged body and renewed spirit, ready to serve again.

Some tips on how to spend your Me-Time:

1. Have an appointment with yourself. Moms need to have at least a few hours in one day without the husband, without the kids. Motherhood can be overwhelming most of the time because we are on call 24/7. That is why we need some alone time, just to step back and take care of ourselves.

2. Plan how to spend your day off. It may be a time to reconnect with old friends, who are also moms who need a time off from the family. Get together and have coffee and just have a good laugh. Laughter is good for the heart :-) Maybe these meetings may spur new ideas on business or part-time work or even new inspiration to workout and be healthy. You may also inspire other moms. Build bridges, build relationships. When you became a mom doesn't mean you have to be "alone" in your world.

3. Start a hobby. This may be a time to restart your old passions and just enjoy them. Passion for writing, for cooking, baking, arts and crafts, fitness, the outdoors. Or it may also spark an interest in reading. Spending your day off with just coffee and a book is time well-spent.

4. Have an eternal perspective. What do I mean by eternal perspective? Your life, where does it all lead to? Have you ever thought of where you are going to spend eternity? How is your relationship with God? Jesus Christ? We need to consider this when we think of eternity. This world and everything in it all are temporary. They will rot away, turn to dust and be destroyed. What is important is knowing who we are and where we are headed. Get to know God. Get to know Jesus Christ. You can do it on your own by reading the Bible or find a bible study group that help you get to know the God who holds the universe in his hand.

5. Beautifying mom. The current business trends today are food carts and spas or salon. There are a lot even in your neighborhood. Get the nails done, scrub those tired and achy feet. Treat that sore back with a massage. Not only will you look good but you will definitely feel good as well. I'm sure the hubby won't mind touching those smooth and silky feet again.

It doesn't matter where you spend your day off or how often you do as long you do have one. It is a must for moms! How can you give love and care to your family if you don't care for your own body. You cannot give what you do not have. If your schedule is too hectic or you just can't leave the kids, again as I said in number 2. Plan ahead. Ask a trusted person to look after the kids for a few hours. I don't think they won't mind, if they care about your well-being too.

If all else fails and you can't go out, do what my friend does. She tells her boys that she will be reading her favorite book in her room and that she needs them to help her enjoy the book by not knocking on the door unless it is important. So far it has worked for her. She did not even spend anything at all. She just needed her kids' cooperation. Or else the monster mom might come out of hiding.

Finishing Strong

As students from conventional schools are ending their school year this week and next week, Coby is just a few weeks away from completing his third grade. Hopefully, we end just before his 9th birthday, which falls on a Holy Week, again :-)

I have already expressed in my previous blog that this year has definitely been a challenge for me as a parent-teacher. Not only do I have a preschooler, who in a matter of weeks learned how to read, I also have a third-grader who has been quite a challenge to teach as he is more independent and been wanting to do things his way. My teaching style and parenting style were no longer working for him, so this old dog needed to learn new tricks, so they say.

The monster-mom out of the closet once again, this time more fierce and more impatient. Most of the time our days would end in tears, in endless apologies, and knees rubbing the floor in prayer. I may have uttered the words "forgive me" numerous times this year and pulled my hair out of exasperation. I just couldn't do it anymore. I don't want to do this anymore, I would tell myself. I cannot teach my kids and I don't want to teach ever again. I would flood the inbox of my homeschooling consultant's cellphone every time the frustration kicks in. I would send her messages expressing the same sentiments. I cannot do it and I don't want to do this anymore. 

Until finally, I had a heart to heart talk with the  mother of all homeschooling families, Tita Girlie, our family's consultant/family adviser/friend and a pioneer homeschooling parent. She listened to my litany and just really listened. I don't know if I was going to be encouraged or not but she said, "As a parent-teacher, what you are going through is normal. All of us went through that, You are not alone, my friend."

Here are the the three things I picked up from our conversation. 

1. Don't take it personally. If I see my child not behaving the way I expect him to behave, it's not because of ME at all. The action is never directed at me. At times he shows no interest at all to do school, sometimes sluggish or to be more blunt, lazy to do any work. Something is going on inside of him and it's not because of me. It has absolutely nothing to do with me. He is acting out what he feels inside. He is not doing it to show disrespect, he is just not in the mood period. Nothing to do with Mama at all. But if the behavior persists, bad habits might be formed so I should also be mindful of that. 

2. Don't be afraid to take breaks. She suggested doing the Break Box or for our family, we call it the Pick Me Box. It's a box filled with activities written on paper that they can do on their 10 to 15-minute-breaks. We wrote down Draw, Paint, Snack Time, Research on the Internet (because Coby never runs out of questions), Play, Discover the outdoors etc. They pick one paper each and do whatever is written on it. After their breaks, they are energized and ready for the next lesson. Moms need breaks too. When I feel the anger creeping in, I should get myself out of the situation and just take deep breaths. On one occasion, I told him I will just go upstairs on a time out. I went upstairs and prayed until the anger died down. 

3. Nagging never works. I never thought of myself as a nagger. But maybe I never knew that my endless talk is already nagging. If you don't have anything nice to say, keep quiet.

4. Always speak blessings. Use positive words. I should not highlight the negative. For example, in Math, when he forgets how to do a certain operation, instead of saying, "We already studied that, how come you don't know", say, "Do you want me to review this topic again to refresh you?" Use words that would edify, that would build up instead of words that would tear them down. "You are so creative.", "Thank you. You are so helpful." "Good thing you told me that, I never knew that before." 

5. Build character and break bad habits. One thing I like about homeschooling is that Character is incorporated in all the lessons, in daily life to be exact. They learn attentiveness, respect, responsibility, diligence, orderliness and a lot more character traits that are taught at home, practiced immediately at home and used outside the home as well. As they grow up, bad habits will form if we are not firm in guiding them through our parenting styles. Bad habits should be nipped early on by reminding them of the character traits and that ultimately God sees what they are doing and God sees their heart. 

6. Pray unceasingly. Pray for guidance on how to prepare the lesson. Pray for patience when it is drying out.  Pray for creativity to keep them hooked and when helping them make their portfolio.  Pray for discernment in making choices for them. Pray to express gratitude for a joyful homeschooling day. Pray for their future. Pray that they remember Godly character traits they have learned. Pray that they will apply it. Pray that I will apply it also. Pray for successful completion on each day, each quarter, each school year. Pray that the Holy Spirit will mold the children to the persons God wants them to be. 

 

 

Now, armed with a new perspective on parenting and teaching, plus a moment by

moment direct line to God for grace and patience, we are at the tail end of our fourth quarter. Would I still homeschool next year? Honestly, after all the struggles, the tears, the aha moments, realizations and lessons learned, I am considering. The blessings received because of homeschooling  are far greater than the tears and frustration. I would still do it again only if God would allow me to.