Friday, February 25, 2011

When I Grow Up I Want to Be...

As a little girl, I would enjoy trips to the supermarket.  I do not think there is a single child in the world who would not want to ride that stainless, cold, and huge (well, for kids, it is) shopping cart.  My younger brother and I would take turns riding it every time we visit the grocery, which is not that often.  The other reason I enjoy grocery shopping is when it's time to unload the cart and pay the cashier.  I remember my heart racing every time we approach the cashier.  I get excited when she (the cashier) punches the buttons of that huge cash register.  And that was when I decided I wanted to grocery cashier when I grow up.  Unfortunately, for me, this dream did not came to pass.   Fast forward one hundred years later ( I feel  so old sometimes you know), I became a dentist.  Oh, this is not included in the list of what-I-want-to-be-when-I-grow-up, this was in my mom's list.

So, anyway, I became a dentist.  And that's the end of the story.  Nah.

The bible says , "Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past" (Isaiah 43:18).  So instead of regretting and dwell on the shoulda, coulda, wouldas I came up with a list of things I REALLY want to do, want to accomplish and wished I was doing NOW.

#1 Novelist. I had a very imaginative mind as a young girl.  I would create stories ,mostly love stories in my head.  I would write down names of my main characters, the setting, the plot.  Everything.  I would complete an entire Sweet Dreams edition in my head.  I was on my way there actually in college.  I took an AB course in UST to prepare me for the future I hope to have.  My grandfather who was so excited that I was kindda following his footsteps or frustrations told me to major in Philosophy.  I was only 16 then, naive and who just listened and obeyed to what my elders told me.  So I completed my freshman year in college but was frustrated at the result of my final grades in prerequisite subjects.  I told myself, how in the world am I going to major in Philosophy if my Philo 1 and Logic grades are just passing.  Then enter, my mother.  Why not take up Dentistry instead, she suggested.  In just 6 years, you will be a "doctor".  So again, as obedient as I am.  I did follow her and here I am now, a dentist by profession only!

#2 Restaurateur.  Let's go back again to my childhood.  Told you, I had or still have a wild imagination as a child.  So my girl friends and I would pretend we own a big restaurant.  We would create our menus, cook them using my palayok-palayukan and luto-lutuan and gather ingredients from the neighbor's plants.  Our menus were composed of the Pinoy delicacy Adobo and Sinigang.  Our boy friends would be our customers and we would really enjoy serving them and pretending to be restaurateurs then.  When I got married and moved out of my parents' house, I have no choice to cook.  Fortunately, all those years of watching my mother cook (she is the best cook ever by the way) paid off.  I was delighted in the recipes that I came up with and they tasted good too.  Some of them I picked from watching cooking shows mostly on the Lifestyle Network.  Studying Culinary Arts is not a problem but paying for the tuition is non-negotiable.  By the way, in case I open my restaurant in the future, if God permits me, I would name it Jacob's, the name of my firstborn child.

#3 Baker. This is somehow connected with my #2 right.  Well, my mom is a baker too.  She used to bake pastries and it became her business for a while.  Her income from baking helped my brother and I finish college.  I would go home late around 7pm after school (not because of school work but because of hanging out with friends) and I would wrap her 101 baked goodies, from mamon, brownies, and muffins.  I would butter the mamon, dip it in sugar, top it with grated cheese then wrap it in plastic.  Brownies need to be cut evenly into small squares and wrapped again. The same is true with muffins.  She wanted to try baking early on but I was too lazy to do it.  I would rather decorate the cake than bake.  But then again, this could be a good business too.  Since I have the equipment, I could do it too, I guess.  Baking lessons are feasible.

#4 Athlete. This is just a wish you know.  I was an adventurer growing up.  I would take bike trips with my brother and his friends.  I really want to have a sport and be good at it unfortunately, I was not able to do it.  But recently, I became interested in boxing, not as a sport but for fitness.  My whole body ached in the first two sessions but now, I think my body has adjusted to the jabs and upper cuts.  So I would be pursuing this and hopefully get a picture with the Pacman.

#5 Singer. I am an American Idol fan.  I love to sing but I don' t like singing on stage.  KTV's I enjoy.  But I want to be the next American Idol only here in my home :)

#6 Scriptwriter/Director. This is already connected with my #1, so no need to repeat it.

#7 Motivational Speaker. Yes, me a motivational speaker.  Imagine that.  I would love to encourage anyone who is hopeless or just broken.  I don't have the answers to everything but I know someone who has and all  I need to do it point them to Him.   I have my share of frustrations, heartbreaks and disappointments in life and I hope I could help in my little way somebody who might in the same shoes as I was before.  Ain't it great to be helping someone be better?

#8 I want to be taller. Both parents are not that tall.  Should I blame my genes for this "shortcoming", nah.  But I wish I was 2 or 3 inches taller.

#9 I want to loose that lower ab bulge. When I lost weight 3 years ago, that bulge never really disappeared.  Now that I am boxing, I hope Pacquiao can help me loose that stubborn "puson".  And it gets worse when I am about to have my monthly period, bloated like a puffer fish.

I think that's about it.  Some of them I think I could still achieve all by God's grace but my height problem, well its not a really a problem, its my reality! :)

Thursday, February 17, 2011

I pray for me

blog created November 2010

Today, I humbly approached God's throne and sought his guidance for the day.

Lord, I thank you for this day.  I thank you for allowing me to still be alive up to this day.  I am thankful for the gift of life, the gift of family and the gift of friendship.

I plan each day Lord but most of the time it does not turn out the way I imagined it to be.  You are the all-knowing God and you are the only who knows what is in store for me today.  You alone can see how this day would end.  I sometimes wish I could preview what would happen at lunch time today or would the kids be sleeping by 9pm.

Since you know what's going to happen to me every second of my life, I ask that you prepare my heart and my mind for it.  If you know that I would be impatient with my kids prepare me by calming me and whispering to me that its no big deal.  Drinks will get spilled, Coby will forget how to solve his Math problems, Jianne will not share.  Teach me not to be consumed by all these insignificant events today.  Teach me not to focus on the unplanned and allow these distractions to speak to me and teach me.

Lord, I ask that you shut my mouth so I would talk less and sin less.  Allow me to use my words with care and be careful not to scar anyone with my tongue.  I don't want to be seen as an angry person because you said in your word, "out of the fullness of the heart the mouth speaks".  I don't have an angry heart Lord.  I don't.  And as i talk less allow this silence to teach me how to listen.  Not hear but listen.

Teach me how to speak gently and listen intently, eye to eye.  And as you are muting me at that moment, allow other people's words sink in and resonate in my heart that I may respond in love.  Teach me to listen to my son when he wants to talk.  You know he LOVES to talk and he talks a LOT.  Let me see this as his way of expressing what is in his heart to his mother whom he knows would care to listen to how tractors move and what dinosaurs eat.  Just let me enjoy those magical moments with him as I get to know him more.

Lastly, let me know you more today.  As I read your word, allow them to penetrate not only my brain but also my heart.  Help me to keep them locked inside and never to be taken away from me.  Let your words be my guide in everything that I do.

Face the Book

I can't even remember the day I signed up for Facebook.  I have heard of it through my sister in law who at that time had 200 or so Facebook friends.  Friendster was the in thing that time as well as Multiply.  Of course, I had to maintain my own accounts on those two social networking sites.  New words were added to my social siting vocabulary: reconnect, upload,post and shout outs.  I began reconnecting with old friends, really old friends and waited patiently for the new pictures to be uploaded.  Until again, I was re-introduced by my former supervisor to Facebook.  He told me that it's definitely much better than Friendster.  So I did.  I registered and created a profile.  It was unfamiliar yet simple. I said to myself,  It's like a upgraded and more sophisticated version of Friendster.

Months have passed and I was completely into it.  No longer was I logging in to my Friendster account and I deleted my multiply account too. I found a new friend - Facebook.  Some of the older older friends I haven't seen in ages, I found in Facebook.  To some extent, it has indeed reconnected me with people close to me in the past whom I just lost touch with after many many years.  It's great to see them again, all grown-up, with their own families and even some having a life outside of the country.  I get a sneak peak of what their life is at present... it's like having Showbiz Central or The Buzz in real time, the only difference is that the celebrities are my friends and family.

But the pitfall of being lured into the Facebook community is my addiction to the games.  I think it was two years ago when I started receiving invitations to be someone's neighbor for so and so game.  I enjoyed playing these games.  One lets me have my own cafe/resto world where I could cook international dishes and decorate my restaurant at the same time.  Another allows me to have a virtual pet whom I can take care of by building it a its own house and buying stuff for the pet I chose.  But my favorite is the one that takes me to the countryside, the rural setting and allows me to plant and harvest, plant and harvest and plant and harvest.  I got so addicted to this game that I even forced my husband to have his own farm so we could be neighbors.  This went on for months until my marriage was being affected.  I remember creeping out of the bedroom when my husband is sleeping at midnight only to check my crops if they are ready for harvesting.  The game has engulfed me and my time.

I remember having arguments with my husband because of the length of time I spend playing these games.  He would always be checking on me when I'm logged and telling me, like a child, to stop it already.  I would always frown and wish I did not have any husband to check on me all the time.  It became an addiction until God already intervened.

During those times when I pleaded for more time from my husband, I knew he was praying that I come to my senses and stop.  He would always say, "It's just a game.  It's not real!"  These were constant utterances from him until finally, I stopped.  One day, I just felt a tug in my heart telling me to stop and I could even hear my husband saying those words again over and over.  So I did realize that it's not real, that it's just a game.

I was in hibernation for quite some time soon after that.  I tried my best to stay away from my favorite games and with God's grace I was able to control my planting and cooking urges.

Lately, though, I can see myself getting back to the gaming world again.  But I believe its different now.  I don't stay up late or creep out of the room at night to expand my city or rearrange my shops.  I set aside a certain time for this in a day and do something else.  Something worthwhile.  Something more productive.  Something more pleasing to my Father in heaven.  It's really embarrassing for Him to see me spending too much time on things man created instead of spending more time with Him.