When Coby Becomes President of the Philippines

After learning about the Philippine government and it's role, a significant change has happened to Coby. One of the things I noticed was how keen he was on following the rules of the land. After paying for an item at the toy store, he asked me if we already paid the taxes for the toy. I told him that yes, we did because the price already included taxes. He would be very conscious about paying the right taxes, people's rights, following rules and not following rules.

One day, while we were walking home quietly, a motorcycle suddenly came out of nowhere and almost hit us. The incident made Coby really angry and blurted out, "Mama, when I become the president of the Philippines, motorcycles are illegal!' He said it with much conviction.

He still has a lot more "laws" to make when he becomes the president of the Philippines and here are some of his ideas:

• Motorcycles are not allowed to drive on the sidewalks. 
• Dog-eating is illegal. 
• Making animal skin products is illegal. 
• Motorcycles are not allowed to go fast inside villages only on highways. 
• Making "siga" is very illegal but you won't be arrested. 
• Smoking in apartments are not allowed anymore. 
• Selling fake DVDs, video games and PC games are illegal. 
• Toxic items are not allowed like China-made toys. 
• Littering in important places are illegal like the house of Jose Rizal and other historical places
• Plenty of recycling factories should be opened.
• Recycle materials to useful furniture and toys.
• There should be guards in places were people can use spray paint and vandalize.
• Poor people including the homeless should not pay for their hospital bills. The government will pay for it using the money that they don't need. 
• Kids should know more about outer space and astronomy so we should open our own space station. There should be schools where kids can sign up and learn about space called SASC or Space Astronomy Studying Center. 
• People cannot use shark's fin for soup.
• There will be new Sea Patrols working day and night to see if anyone has drowned.
• Sea Patrol units guarding the oceans should help other people from other countries who need help. 

These were just some of his ideas. I don't what else he will come up with... :-)

Someone to Watch Over Me

Have you ever had that feeling as if someone is watching you? Well, I do and it's not that eerie kind of feeling :-) I know for a fact that Coby, our eldest child, is watching over me, literally.

You see, we don't have a helper in our home so I do most of the chores especially when my husband is at work and I start the day at 4:30 A.M. and turn in at around 8 P.M. Before the kids wake up in the morning, I make sure that at least 90 percent of my morning chores are done, which includes doing the laundry, dishes, cleaning the living and dining areas, and hopefully I have taken my morning shower. As soon as the kids run down to have breakfast, I have to attend to them. After a few minutes of chatting with them, I run upstairs and tidy up the rooms there. A few minutes later, they will then have their baths and we will start school. 

There may be times when I will be asking Coby to work on his own while I prepare lunch. My mornings are really, really busy! But the load gets lighter after lunch and Coby completes one or two more subjects then he is free. We are both free :-) That's the time I check my email, get updates on FB, read blogs, post blogs or just simply surf the internet.

Then, my afternoon routine would soon commence. I would prepare the lessons for the next day. Fold the clean clothes then prepare dinner, if dinner has to be prepared unless I still have leftover food from lunch. Doing all these things is no chore to me really, I actually enjoy doing them. Unfortunately, I am not Supergirl . I do get tired and at times lazy too to clean up. To say that I regret being a homemaker is a false statement. I love "making a home" for my family even if it's exhausting and stressful. 

One afternoon, while I was busy doing something Coby approached me and said,"Mama, something tells me that you don't like what you're doing." I was surprised by his comment so I asked what made him say that. "Because you're not smiling when you're doing the chores. It looks like you're angry," he blurted out. Bothered by what he noticed I reassured him, "I'm not angry while I'm doing chores, anak. I'm just too focused what I am doing. Don't think I don't like what I'm doing. I love it but my face is just really serious when I'm working." 

Still not satisfied with my answer he asked,"Are you sure? Because you really look angry?" I put down whatever I was holding and looked him in the eye, "I'm okay Coby. I'm happy, just seriously working. Remember when we are working, we have to focus on what we are doing so we can do a great job, right? That's what I'm doing!" 

I hope he was satisfied with my reply. Then he asked me again, "Do you need some help with that? I can help you." I was so touched that I tried to make him help. He probably felt I was tired, which is the truth but I'm still fine. 

Other times, I would do the laundry right after dinner. While they are all resting and watching TV upstairs, Coby would go down and check on me. He would ask me why I'm doing laundry when it's time to rest. I would give him my reason and he would say, "It's late, Mama. It's time to rest."

Ever since that time, I would hear him going down the stairs and stop at the landing. He would hold on to the railings and watch what I'm doing. Sometimes he would ask if I needed help but most of the time he would just be sitting there and watching me. He would do this everyday. 

Two days ago while I was preparing dinner, I heard the same footsteps again. I knew he was watching me, so without looking at him I reassured him, "I'm okay Coby. I'm just preparing dinner. You can go play now. It's okay." 

After hearing that, he ran upstairs and I heard him turn on the TV. 

In the beginning, this routine of his would annoy me, because I don't like the feeling of somebody watching over me. But then I realized, Coby is just loving me. He speaks his love language through acts of service. He wants to help Mama any little way he can. 

Testimony of Faith

I was a school girl in the 80′s when I learned that it was God created the universe, all the animals, plants, trees and yes, including me. He created everything good until sin entered the world. Eve believed the devil’s lies and took a bite of the forbidden fruit. She then offered the same fruit to Adam and soon they felt shame and hid from the Lord. Our teacher then told us that every time we commit sin, our heart gets filled with black dots and I became very conscious of this at that time. I tried my best not to stain my heart with black dots. But because of my sinful nature and living in a sinful world, the concept of black dots filling my heart did not bother me anymore. I thought maybe I could do something to remove those black dots.

3 The serpent was the shrewdest of all the wild animals the Lord God had made. One day he asked the woman, “Did God really say you must not eat the fruit from any of the trees in the garden?”

² “Of course we may eat fruit from the trees in the garden,” the woman replied. ³ “It’s only the fruit from the tree in the middle of the garden that we are not allowed to eat. God said, ‘You must not eat it or even touch it; if you do, you will die.’”

⁴ “You won’t die!” the serpent replied to the woman. ⁵ “God knows that your eyes will be opened as soon as you eat it, and you will be like God, knowing both good and evil.”

⁶ The woman was convinced. She saw that the tree was beautiful and its fruit looked delicious, and she wanted the wisdom it would give her. So she took some of the fruit and ate it. Then she gave some to her husband, who was with her, and he ate it, too. ⁷ At that moment their eyes were opened, and they suddenly felt shame at their nakedness. So they sewed fig leaves together to cover themselves. Genesis 3:3-7

During this time my mother became a believer, a follower of Jesus Christ, a born-again Christian. I would know that she spends her mornings praying because she would lock the door in her room and would not be bothered for hours. She didn't want to be bothered. There were also times when I would wake up and see her laying her hands over me or my brother. She would take us to where she attends church service and my brother and I would just spend hours playing in the parking lot. We didn’t know what they were doing, all we know is that it was boring and the pastor talks for a very long time.

In college, my mother continued to live a life as a born-again Christian but moved to another church.Pastors from that church would visit us and have bible studies at home but my brother and I would make up a ton of excuses not to join their session. I would often hide quietly in my room until their bible study is over. My mother would also drag us to church every Sunday probably hoping that we too would be committed followers of Jesus. 

“For God loved the world so much that he gave his one and only Son, so that everyone who believes in him will not perish but have eternal life. John 3:16″

One Sunday morning in church, there was an altar call. The pastor called on those who want to commit their lives to Jesus Christ and asked them to raise their hands and step forward. My mother, raised my hand and my cousin’s hand, who was living with us at that time, and literally forced us to go to front and become followers of Jesus Christ.

We were taken to a room after the altar call and the person in charge was trying to explain what had just transpired but I guess my heart was never really in it. I mean, I understood what the gospel is. I know what Jesus did, dying on the cross for sin but it never really struck a chord at that time in my life.

 After that, I was pushed to continue to doing bible studies after church. I thought of becoming part of the choir. You see, our church choir was very popular those days because of our praise and worship style. It was lively and would guarantee to bring people to tears! I had a different goal then for joining the choir. And because my motive was not really to please God, my stint as a choir member ended early. I just left the choir because I didn't get what I want and I was too busy hating God for ruining my love life. You see, during this time in my life, I thought I had met the love of my life, my soul mate. The one I am supposed to marry. I was dead-set on marrying this guy but God has other plans for me. Because the relationship didn’t work out, I rebelled against God. I stopped attending church. I stopped doing anything for God.

I would seek my happiness elsewhere. I was always on the lookout for someone to love and love me in return, someone to fill the void in my heart. A friend  once said I was desperate to find love and I would search anywhere for it. 

Years passed and I finally found someone who would love me and that was in 2002 when I married my ex-boyfriend (my husband now). He was raised from the traditional religion and I said might as well go back to the same traditional religion. We got married in a quaint yet beautiful 400-year-old church and had our first child a few months after. Sundays became a “routine” for me as we head to our community church. Somehow during these times, I felt a strong tug in my heart. I miss the old way of worshiping God. I miss singing my heart out in thanksgiving to the God of the universe. I respect what the priest was saying during his sermons but it did not affect that much to change my ways and live my life according how God wants me live.

Retracing my story, while pregnant with our first child, my husband and I attended a breastfeeding class. There we met a couple who taught us how to successfully breastfeed the baby and more. Later as they followed up on us, we found out that we have a lot of things in common, we live in the same village, same work setting and they were Christians. I already shared with the wife that I used to attend a Christian church and I somehow connected with her. We became friends instantly and they initiated a bible study for us in their home. We were still attending the community church while learning about God through the bible study. It came to a point, one Sunday as I sat there in the pew, I need to look for a church that would help me find God and help me change my ways because I knew I needed to change badly.

   We studied “The Purpose Driven Life” by Rick Warren in our bible study. This book was used by  God to finally open my mind and my heart to Him. I am filled with information about being born again, about the significance of Jesus’ death and the need for salvation but it never really went down to my heart to change it. I believe it was God’s appointed time that my husband and I decided to turn back on our old selves and follow Jesus. The process of transformation is not easy neither is it completed. There was a lot of resistance in the beginning, a lot of questions, and struggling for control. But whoever said that following Christ is easy? I am still undergoing this process and the journey is exciting.

All that we are now is because of God, because of Jesus Christ. He is the only one who can change a person a sinner like me. He is the only one who can lift my downcast life and give me a new life that is totally surrendered to Him.

I heard of the Lord when I was a child. He became an acquaintance in my youth. Now he is my Lord, my Savior, my friend, my bridge to the Father and my makeover professional.

Marriage Mystery Revealed Part 2

This is the second installment of the entry I posted recently on marriage. Again, these are the highlights of the marriage retreat my husband and I attended recently in a sister church, CCF Las Pinas.



 

Mending the Gaps

A study was conducted regarding the differences between men and women. The study also revealed the differences in the needs of both men and women.

Needs of Men: 

1. Sexual Fulfillment

2. Recreational Companionship

3. A Good-looking Wife (seriously?)

Needs of Women:

1. Affection

2. Conversation

3. Honesty and Openness

At times, unmet needs are the source of conflict in relationships or marriages. These conflicts when not brought out in the open or resolved, could be barriers in communication. What then are the other barriers to communication?

First, it's not knowing the differences between the needs of your spouse. Men and women are total opposites. Women are organized, talkative, people-oriented, see the details, put things in order while men are disorganized, use few words, goal-oriented, see the big picture and scatter things. These differences are not absolute truths about men and women, there are a lot of women who are clutter-bugs while there are men who TALK a lot!

Second barrier, is having unresolved conflicts. I believe most of the unresolved conflicts arise from unmet needs. For example, because of the natural tendency of men to keep to themselves and not talk about "things" with their wives, they become cold, distant. The wives in turn, would be wondering and bombarding the husband with questions. Soon, conflict would arise only because issues were not resolved right away.

Third is taking each other for granted. The wife could be too focused on the kids that they unintentionally neglect the poor husband. The exciting honeymoon stage fizzles out as soon as kids are born. Somehow the wife gets preoccupied with the new baby that hubby feels left out and unwanted. That's why it is necessary for the husband and wife to continue to devote their time to each other. Having babies should not be the cause of conflict in the marriage. It should solidify the bond of the husband and wife. Because as the child grows up, he or she would look up to his or her parents as role models when he or she has her own family in the future.

Another barrier to communication is bitterness. It is said that bitterness is a crushing mental attitude which triggers a wide variety of other sins. Bitterness only means unforgiveness and this will rob the marriage of stability. I like what the speaker said about forgivness, that it is a lubricant that reduces the friction between husband and wife. 


The prophet Hosea was given as an example. Hosea was a prophet of God yet his wife became unfaithful, in fact, she became a prostitute. But despite what the wife has done to Hosea, he forgave her and welcomed her back. This kind of love shown by Hosea is the kind of love God shows us. We are unfaithful to God. We are sinners who love our sin. But wherever our sin has led us, God still calls us to come back to Him. He still runs after us. He loves us no matter what we have done. All He wants is for us to come to Him and turn our back on our sin and follow Him. He says in Jeremiah 31:34

No longer will they teach their neighbor,
    or say to one another, ‘Know the Lord,’
because they will all know me,
    from the least of them to the greatest,”
declares the Lord.
“For I will forgive their wickedness
    and will remember their sins no more. Jeremiah 31:34

So how do we mend the gaps in our marriage?

1. Show genuine interest in your spouse.

2. Build relationships. We should not find time,  but we need to make time for your spouse.

3. Demonstrate a willingness to forgive and ask for forgiveness. As Jesus said in Matthew 18:21-22, our forgiveness knows no limit.

Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, “Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother or sister who sins against me? Up to seven times?”

²² Jesus answered, “I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times.

4. We should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry.

James 1:19 My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry

Marriage Mystery Revealed Part 1

Living with a person who is an opposite of me is  not easy. Imagine putting two different individuals in one roof. Two individuals each with their own unique characteristics who came from different family backgrounds and make them stick together till forever.

My husband and I have been married for ten years and we have gained a handful of very special married friends too.  These couples who have been married longer than us have become our spiritual mothers and fathers. I could not count the number of blessings God has given us because of these friends. And one the best blessings we got recently was a one-day marriage retreat. This was totally unexpected from a couple we just met not so long ago.

I would like to share part 1 of the Marriage Mystery Revealed Retreat last July 28, 2012 at CCF Las Pinas.

¹⁸ Then the Lord God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone; I will make him a helper^[a]suitable for him.” ¹⁹  Out of the ground the Lord God formed every beast of the field and every bird of the ^[b]sky, and brought them to the man to see what he would call them; and whatever the man called a living creature, that was its name. ²⁰ The man gave names to all the cattle, and to the birds of the ^[c]sky, and to every beast of the field, but for ^[d]Adam there was not found a helper ^[e]suitable for him. ²¹ So the Lord God caused a deep sleep to fall upon the man, and he slept; then He took one of his ribs and closed up the flesh at that place. ²² The Lord God ^[f]fashioned into a woman the rib which He had taken from the man, and brought her to the man. ²³ The man said,

“ This is now bone of my bones,
And flesh of my flesh;
^[g]She shall be called ^[h]Woman,
Because ^[i]she was taken out of ^[j]Man.”

²⁴  For this reason a man shall leave his father and his mother, and be joined to his wife; and they shall become one flesh.  Genesis 2:18-24

• God is not only the designer of marriage, He is also the builder. It was God who instituted the first marriage between Adam and Eve and His plan was wonderful. Until the serpent deceived Eve which led to their sin against their creator.


• The principle of "Leave and Cleave". When marriage happens, the husband and the wife must leave their previous relationships, which refer to the relationship with their respective parents. This simply means when the couple agrees to get married, whatever decisions they make must be dependent on each other and not on the decision of their parents. Parents can only give advice but the final say should be from the couple themselves.


• To cleave to one another or to join connotes commitment to develop a deep and loving relationship with one another. It becomes a commitment, a pledge and a decision to stay together no matter what.


• Because they become one flesh, they should not be separated. God hates divorce, he says so in Malachi 2:16.

3  In the same way, you wives, be submissive to your own husbands so that even if any of them are disobedient to the word, they may be won without a word by the behavior of their wives, ² as they observe your chaste and ^[a]respectful behavior. ³  Your adornment must not be merely external—braiding the hair, and wearing gold jewelry, or putting on dresses; ⁴ butlet it be the hidden person of the heart, with the imperishable quality of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is precious in the sight of God. ⁵ For in this way in former times the holy women also, who hoped in God, used to adorn themselves, being submissive to their own husbands; ⁶ just as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him lord, and you have become her children if you do what is right ^[b] without being frightened by any fear.⁷  You husbands in the same way, live with your wives in an understanding way, as with ^[c]someone weaker, since she is a woman; and show her honor as a fellow heir of the grace of life, so that your prayers will not be hindered. 1 Peter 3:1-7

• Wives being submissive does not only connote following the husband and submitting to whatever he says. Submission also means respecting the husband. By not talking down to him. By not using sarcasm to make a point. By being careful in our speech.


• Husbands should not look at his wife as someone inferior because he is God's appointed spiritual leader instead the husband should care for the welfare of the wife. He should make sure she is protected, she is loved and is growing spiritually. If he choose to ignore the needs of his wife, it says in 1 Peter, his prayers would not be heard.


• God is the architect of marriage and husbands and wife should refer to the architects blueprint, the bible in order to complete the marital journey.


• 


• 

An Onion Aha Moment

It's been almost a month since we started our school year and Coby hasn't opened his Science book yet. I was unsure whether to use the old Science curriculum or get a new one for his fourth grade. Though I really wanted to use the new one, Singapore Science, I opted the old one, Science by Scott Foresman. And because of that, I delayed studying Science because at the back of my mind, I knew I would change curriculum very soon.

Unfortunately, Coby cannot hold his enthusiasm anymore in Science. He was so eager to jump right in and just do it. In fact, he was reading his textbook as soon as we bought it. He is our Science boy. He loves Science so much that depriving him of the "did-you-know-facts" is like telling him not to draw or keeping all his art materials.

So finally, I decided to start with cells, which was the first lesson in the textbook. It would have been great to have our own microscope but Google Images can substitute in the meantime. We talked about the onion and how it looked like under the microscope. Told him to compare and contrast the onion with and without the microscope.



In order to make your lessons really interesting and get your child's attention, you need to KNOW your child. What are his interests, what makes him excited... At 9 years old, he still loves building with his Lego and K'Nex. So I integrated Lego building with cells. How each lego block or piece is connected to each other to make one house, a car or whatever. Cells are the same. They are called the building blocks of life because life indeed starts with just a single cell. Same cells performing the same function are grouped together to form a tissue. A group of tissue to form an organ. Organs then form an entire system then all the systems connected to each other to create a living organism, whether an animal, a plant or a baby.

As we repeated the process over and over, he had his aha moment. He said, "So, Mama, are you saying that's how I was formed inside your tummy? I started with a cell, then tissue, then organ and then became a person?" With my eyes sparkling with delight at how he connected our lesson to his own life, I eagerly answered, "Yes!"

His eyes grew big and I could really sense that he GOT it. He kept saying, "That's awesome!" He appreciated how God created minute living cells to form an organism, a man in his own image.  I immediately put a note in my lesson notebook to remind me of the day that Coby had that aha moment.

One of the best things about homeschooling is that not only does the child learns the lesson and memorize it  but he learns life lessons without memorizing and connecting all lessons to his life and to God. There are times we intentionally integrate love for God in the lessons but most of the time God really intervenes and allows His lessons to be learned by the child personally.  Thank you God for allowing Coby to see You in our lesson today. May you forever be praised!

 

 ¹³ You created the deepest parts of my being. 
      You put me together inside my mother's body. 
 ¹⁴ How you made me is amazing and wonderful. 
      I praise you for that. 
   What you have done is wonderful. 
      I know that very well. 
 ¹⁵ None of my bones was hidden from you 
      when you made me inside my mother's body. 
      That place was as dark as the deepest parts of the earth. 
   When you were putting me together there, 
    ¹⁶ your eyes saw my body even before it was formed. 
   You planned how many days I would live. 
      You wrote down the number of them in your book 
      before I had lived through even one of them.  Psalm 139:13-16

Two Peas in a Pod

My husband and I are blessed to have a boy and a girl. When I was pregnant with Coby, we prayed that it would be a boy. God blessed us with a happy baby boy. The second time we found out we were having another child, we again prayed for a girl to complete the Brady Bunch. In His graciousness God gave us our little princess.

Two different individuals coming from the same parents. Indeed each child is unique. No one is exactly the same. Even twins are not exactly the same. We, as parents, should celebrate their differences. Our kids were created wonderfully and fearfully by our Creator, of course, including us.

Just for fun I wanted to look at how different our two kids are...

During my pregnancy...I gained so much weight when i was pregnant with Coby and had not much morning sickness but with Jianne, I was skinny and had a sensitive first trimester.

Breast feeding... Coby was breast fed for only two to three months while Jianne was at it until she was almost three years old.

Putting the baby to sleep... Coby easily gets startled with the slightest noise and has trouble falling asleep while Jianne will easily fall asleep while being breastfed.

Language skills... Both started talking early by age one.

Love language... Coby feels loved when you do something for him. He appreciates you when you put syrup on his pancake. He feels loved when you prepare food for him or make him anything. His
love language is service. Jianne on the other hand is very clingy, very attached. She enjoys hugs, kisses, scratching her back and brushing her hair. She craves physical touch as she herself generously showers you with hugs and squeezes.

Food... Coby enjoys gourmet dishes. He wants sophisticated food at times. He does not like "lutong Bahay". He would always request that we eat in restaurants or asks me to prepare something different. He eats a lot when dining out. He calls himself a "fruitatarian" because he loves all kinds of fruits. Jianne craves for sinigang, nilaga, typical pinoy dishes but does not eat much when we eat out. She does not care much fruit except for mango and banana but would finish the okra in sinigang and eat broccoli with her fingers.

Coby is the talker in the family. His voice would always fill the house. Jianne is quiet, a bit reserved, quite shy too.

Learning style...Coby is a visual learner. He learns best with visually attractive curriculum and materials. Maybe that's why he is into art. He paints and draws well too. I still have to find out Jianne's primary learning style but I could see that she may be an auditory or kinesthetic learner. She loves music and dancing.

There are still a lot more waiting to be discovered from these two blessings. I just pray that God would allow me to witness all their milestones in life. I also pray that despite their differences, they would continue to love each other no matter what and wherever God takes them.

Taming the Tongue

The greatest influence our children would have is us, their parents. We taught them how to talk and guided them as they started to walk. It's funny when I see kids walk and talk like their parents. It's like looking at mini versions of Mom and Dad. Not only do we pass on physical traits and mannerisms, we also intentionally and unintentionally pass on to them the values that we want them to have.  Because I homeschool our kids, I would say that I am my children's greatest influence, not to exclude my husband, of course. But since I am with them 24/7 I have more opportunity to teach them and impact them in a positive way. 

 

When I talk to Coby, our eldest, somehow I could see some semblance of me in him. I claim or even argue that he looks like me but some people insist that he is a little Peewee. Go figure  :-) Aside from the physical aspect, I see his interest in writing, creating his own stories and cooking as well. But the most striking trait he got from me are my  exasperated expressions like "Hay naku!"

He expresses this phrase exactly the same way I do especially when he is dealing with his younger sister, Jianne. From the tone, to the facial expression and hand gestures, it's all me. The first time I saw this I thought it was kinda cute but then again, it's not a good thing. I would hear him talk to his sister in a mean way and I would always call his attention and correct him. I would even ask him, "Why do you speak like that to your sister? Why are you so mean?" I could sense that he feels there is nothing wrong with what he said maybe because I could be mean to him too at times. He would feel ashamed afterwards and say sorry to his sister.

Somehow Coby's negative behavior only mirrors what I do when I do not control my tongue. But the Lord is good at reminding me of my weakness and my need to tame my tongue. Realizing, again, that I used harsh words on him, asking for forgiveness is the next thing to do.

Did you know that the tongue is the most powerful muscle in the body? Such great power for a tiny part of the body. Likewise, in the words that we use to communicate with other people, our children or our spouse, we forget that the words that we speak have so much impact on other people that we end up either encouraging them or hurting them. 

James 1: 19 says, Understand this, my dear brothers and sisters: You must all be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to get angry.

 

James 3:5-6 In the same way, the tongue is a small thing that makes grand speeches.But a tiny spark can set a great forest on fire. ⁶ And the tongue is a flame of fire. It is a whole world of wickedness, corrupting your entire body. It can set your whole life on fire, for it is set on fire by hell itself.

We, as parents, are the primary life teachers of our children. Let us not let our our anger and our untamed tongues influence them. Instead, we should acknowledge that we cannot parent our children by ourselves. We need someone who is the best example of patience and love and this is our our Heavenly Father who richly gives us everything we need. He will give us the patience, the wisdom, and compassion to bring up our children the way He wants us.

Free Milk for Babies

I was a senior in high school back in the 90's when our English teacher asked us to visit the library. We were told to search for subjects that might interest us for our term paper. As I rummaged through the old books and encyclopedias, I stumbled upon an article on breastfeeding in a woman's magazine. When I saw the title, "Breastfeeding: Best for Babies", I was immediately taken back in time.

I was 5 or 7 years old, minding my own business, when lo and behold, I saw our helper expose her breasts to feed her baby. I was confused as a child as this was the first time I saw this mother and child scene. When my mother saw that I was dumbfounded, she explained to me that our helper was breastfeeding her baby. She said the baby is taking in milk from his mother's breast. I didn't know milk came out of that!

After that brief moment at the library, I immediately copied the title in a 1/4 sheet of pad paper and kept it in my pocket to be submitted later to my teacher. I found two more additional topics during our library time  but the one that my English teacher approved was, you guessed it, the breastfeeding subject.

Fast forward to the future, I had our first child. I told myself that I would breastfeed him since I have all the information on breastfeeding recorded in my brain. My husband and I even attended a breastfeeding seminar in one hospital in Alabang just to make sure that I would really be serious at it.

After giving birth at the hospital, it took a while before I was able to get up and see him in the nursery. At first attempt, it did not work. Why didn't it work? It was because the nurses already fed him using a feeding bottle. I remember giving instructions that I would be breastfeeding him but still they gave him formula. The nurse told me that it's normal. Milk does not come out easily during the first try. She told me to come back after two hours and try again. I came back and tried again, he suckled a little and then just gave up.

On discharge on route to our house, our baby started crying incessantly. So, my instinct tells me to give him my breast. I remember that I was so frustrated because he couldn't get any milk from me. The flow of milk was not that strong and he was getting angry too. I tried my best until we reached home.

After the ooh's and aah's at home from my parents, he started crying again. I tried to feed him but to no avail. He kept on crying and I can't do anything about it. Imagine my despair as a first time mom who is trying my best to feed my baby but how come the lessons I got from the breastfeeding class does not work at all. My mom, seeing my inability to feed my child, asked the maid to buy formula at the supermarket. I really felt I cheated on my child that day. I was crying too feeling helpless.

To cut the long story short, I was only able to breastfeed him for only 2 to 3 months, which was unfortunately supported by formula which I regretted later.

I vowed after that, if God would bless us with another child, I would not give up that easily on breastfeeding.

And God heard our prayer, He gave us a baby girl. This time I made sure I did my homework. While still pregnant, I told my doctor that I would be including breastfeeding in my birthing plan. I think the doctor had written down my instructions in my chart plus I also informed the nurses that I would be exclusively breastfeeding her.

What we thought as a "easy" delivery turned out to be the opposite and a delicate one at that. Because of the baby's position in the womb, it was going to be difficult for me to push and the baby to go down the pelvis. They had to do an emergency C-section because I have been pushing for so long and the baby might be in trouble. Finally, she was out but I was so dazed I couldn't remember seeing her in the delivery room. As soon as I went up to my room, I immediately asked that the baby be roomed in with me. The doctors advised me not too because of my surgery but I insisted because I has to breastfeed. I wanted to make sure that I would be the one feeding my baby. So she was brought in, all bundled up in that tiny blanket. After checking if all the body parts were complete and smelling and kissing her, I tried to feed her. There was no milk coming out yet, which was normal, as I was told. Because I had no milk at that time, the baby was hungry, the hospital sent their formula to my room. I had no choice but to take the formula. So I put a small amount of formula in a medicine cup and tried to feed my baby. Little by little she was able to take in milk. I was so happy because no feeding bottle was used. For 2 or 3 days, that was how she was fed because my milk supply was not available yet.

After about one week, the milk came in and boy was I sore. I was crying because my breasts were so engorged that I could breathe anymore. I had to call my friend, who is a breastfeeding coach on what to do. She told me to just massage the breast and put hot compress over it. It was painful and again, it was normal. The milk supply is just coming in that's why I feel that my breasts are so full. I needed to express some of the milk to help relieve the pressure. I could not remember how many days the fullness and pain lasted, but when it did, it was such a relief. I could now feed her more comfortably and I was more relaxed. My friend told me when my body is relaxed, the milk would flow easily.

It did flow for almost three years. I exclusively breastfed our second child for 2 years and 9 months. She never liked the taste of formulas. Neither did she like bottle feeding. There were times I had to express milk and put them in bottles, she would not take them. So I had to bring her with me everywhere I go.

Good thing that moms and Filipino moms have been open to the idea of breastfeeding. Even companies have been supported of breastfeeding moms that they have allowed us to breastfeed our kids comfortably and in public without shame.

Some of the breasfteeding items I enjoyed the most were:

Nursing blouses or dresses. Not only did it keep our private feeding time with baby discrete, these blouses are stylish as well. There are different styles and some of which you can wear as an ordinary blouse. The blouses either have zippers or slits that would hide the breast while feeding. Mommy Matters from Havin' a Baby sells these cute blouses for moms.

Nursing bras. Some moms I have talked to didn't like wearing nursing bras but I appreciated them. Search for them at the lingerie section of your favorite malls.



Breast pads. Oh so helpful in those days when the milk just can't stop. Have to change it often too especially is your milk supply is more than enough.

Nursing bib or Cover up. If you don't have a nursing blouse, the nursing bib can help you cover up when baby is feeding. I was blessed by my sister in law who gave me not two but three of her nursing bibs and they are just so cute.

Baby sling. This is my all-time favorite breastfeeding/attachment parenting tool that was ever created. We ou see African women or even here in our country, mothers who live in tribes carry their babies either on their backs on a sling. This modern day baby slings have different designs to suit you and your baby. The baby sling that I bought can also be used as a cover up because of the style. I got mine from Babyland and when you purchase one, an instructional CD is included in the package. It will teach you the different ways of carrying your baby or toddler.

I believe God designed mothers to breastfeed their children. Not only is this free, it has great health benefits for both baby and mom. No bottles to clean or bulky bags to carry around. Moms can feed anytime and anywhere and it creates an intimate bond between mother and child that lasts a lifetime.

Join the Philippine Homeschool Conference 2012

You might be hearing about homeschooling from friends or relatives and you are clueless about it. What is homeschooling all about? Join us at the Philippine Homeschool Conference 2012 on May 19, 2012 at the 5th floor of St. Francis Square Ortigas and discover the best education you can give your kids. Conference is a whole day affair from 8 am to 4pm. Learn from a homeschooler pioneer, Debra Bell, best-selling author of "Ultimate Guide to Homeschooling" and other Philippine-based homeschoolers and pioneers. Visit www.hapihomeschooler.com for more details. See you at the conference!

Completed

Coby completed third grade! It was a turbulent homeschooling year for the family. There were just too much to deal with last year. Moving out of my parents' house and venturing out on our own. Chores, chores and more chores. Jianne started homeschooling too. In and out of the house because of ballet and art lessons. Noisy and stressful neighbor. Online job but gave it up eventually. And a growing 8-year-old boy.

 I am ashamed to narrate the gory details of how I acted during the school year not only as a mom but a teacher as well, but by the grace of God, I know I have been forgiven and I am forward.

The negative experiences not only highlighted my weakness and how I really needed God to watch over me every second of the day but it also opened my eyes to what God wants me to do. How he wants me to respond and not react, to speak softly and not to shout, to let go of situations I have no control of and to be patient with others and myself.

Here are some of my aha moments the past school year:

• Whether you're a homeschooling mom or not, it is a necessity to have a  personal quiet time with the Creator before you start your day. It may 10 minutes or 1 hour, as long as you commit the rest of the day to Him, I am sure the troubles of the day would have less impact on you compared to having no time with Him at all.

• I saw that our homeschooling year for the third year lacked planning and scheduling. Because I just had too much to do doesn't give me the excuse not to plan appropriately the lessons to be covered. Whether you're new at home education or a pro, I believe nothing beats a parent-teacher who is prepared with the lessons and has extra tricks up her sleeves when the need arises. Diligence in planning and consistency in implementing need to be developed. 

• If the emotions are running high, run away from it. Don't let your frustration and anger get the best of you and hurt your child. You know yourself. You know what makes you lose it. So before you finally explode and do crazy things, stop and run away from the situation. Tell your child, you just need to step away for a while, you need a time out. Go somewhere where they cannot see you and breathe. Calm down and PRAY! There is no urgent need that a mother whose top is about to blow! Cry out to God to help you and I assure you, He will give you the grace you need for that moment. 

• Parenting skills and homeschooling work together. If you have not developed good parenting skills, you might find it difficult to to teach your child at home. How can you expect your child to do what is asked of him or her if obedience is not a trait demanded at home. I am not a parent expert but I seek older parents who share the same values as I do. Read books or blogs on parenting that are biblical and whose aim is encourage you to  be a God-centered family. 

There are a lot more aha moments this year but I focused on these first. I know I would be adding more to the list as the days go by. 

As I computed Coby's final grades, I was amazed at the improvement. I showed him his grades and he was happy with it too. I thanked him for  being patient with me and bearing with my flaws. Although, he is not yet graduating, I feel it's like a graduation of some sort for both us. Graduating from the childish ways and facing the challenges in a mature and Christlike way. We are both looking forward to the fourth grade with a new perspective,  healed hearts and a new home. To God be the glory. 

Me Time

I have met moms last year whom I have shared the benches with nine months. All of us wait for our little daughters in their ballet class. I cannot say we have developed a deep friendship but I would say, each of the moms at least care for the well-being of the other moms. In one of our candid conversations, I have shared that all of us dedicated :-) moms should have our break, a day off or a Me Time. We need to get out once in a while just to recharge and think about ourselves even for just a few hours or a whole day even.

Thursdays are my Me-Time. My day starts with BSF, which is a bible study I have been attending for 6 seasons now or about 5 to 6 years. After BSF, my BSF classmates, who have become friends through the years, and I have lunch in one of the restaurants nearby. We catch up on things, family, business and just about anything. It's our way of reconnecting with one another. Keeping the friendship alive. After lunch I would usually do my errands, pay bills, do grocery shopping. I would do anything on that day. I will not teach during that day but would leave work for my son to do while I'm out. I don't spend the whole day out because by the time we finish our lunch or my errands, I am just too in a hurry to see the kids once again with a refreshed mind, recharged body and renewed spirit, ready to serve again.

Some tips on how to spend your Me-Time:

1. Have an appointment with yourself. Moms need to have at least a few hours in one day without the husband, without the kids. Motherhood can be overwhelming most of the time because we are on call 24/7. That is why we need some alone time, just to step back and take care of ourselves.

2. Plan how to spend your day off. It may be a time to reconnect with old friends, who are also moms who need a time off from the family. Get together and have coffee and just have a good laugh. Laughter is good for the heart :-) Maybe these meetings may spur new ideas on business or part-time work or even new inspiration to workout and be healthy. You may also inspire other moms. Build bridges, build relationships. When you became a mom doesn't mean you have to be "alone" in your world.

3. Start a hobby. This may be a time to restart your old passions and just enjoy them. Passion for writing, for cooking, baking, arts and crafts, fitness, the outdoors. Or it may also spark an interest in reading. Spending your day off with just coffee and a book is time well-spent.

4. Have an eternal perspective. What do I mean by eternal perspective? Your life, where does it all lead to? Have you ever thought of where you are going to spend eternity? How is your relationship with God? Jesus Christ? We need to consider this when we think of eternity. This world and everything in it all are temporary. They will rot away, turn to dust and be destroyed. What is important is knowing who we are and where we are headed. Get to know God. Get to know Jesus Christ. You can do it on your own by reading the Bible or find a bible study group that help you get to know the God who holds the universe in his hand.

5. Beautifying mom. The current business trends today are food carts and spas or salon. There are a lot even in your neighborhood. Get the nails done, scrub those tired and achy feet. Treat that sore back with a massage. Not only will you look good but you will definitely feel good as well. I'm sure the hubby won't mind touching those smooth and silky feet again.

It doesn't matter where you spend your day off or how often you do as long you do have one. It is a must for moms! How can you give love and care to your family if you don't care for your own body. You cannot give what you do not have. If your schedule is too hectic or you just can't leave the kids, again as I said in number 2. Plan ahead. Ask a trusted person to look after the kids for a few hours. I don't think they won't mind, if they care about your well-being too.

If all else fails and you can't go out, do what my friend does. She tells her boys that she will be reading her favorite book in her room and that she needs them to help her enjoy the book by not knocking on the door unless it is important. So far it has worked for her. She did not even spend anything at all. She just needed her kids' cooperation. Or else the monster mom might come out of hiding.

A 100-Peso Afternoon with the Kids

After days of rain, rain and more rain, the sun finally came out today... well, let's just say, the sun just peaked through the clouds.  I thought of bringing the kids to the park or the soccer field in Ayala Alabang but I remembered the grass might still be wet and we might end up getting all muddy and messy.  How about an indoor playground then for the kids to stretch those sleepy muscles?  So we headed to the indoor playground in Alabang Town Center.

Alabang Town Center before the renovation

One of the perks of homeschooling, is that we can go to the mall anytime we want.  And the best time to go is when all the other kids -- who are not homeschooled-- are still in school.  The indoor playground in ATC was not full of kids and only a handful of toddlers were playing.  Jianne enjoyed running around without fear of bumping other kids.  She climbed up and down the ladder and the ropes.  She had the monopoly of one this one horsey-springy-whatever ride that is.  Don't worry there were three other horsey-springy-whatever-ride that-is that the other kids were able to hop on.

I thought when we arrived that Coby, our 8-year-old would run to the playground.  But he just sat on the bench with me and as I watched his sister.  I told him to go play but he does not want to.  At first, I thought he was only shy but I realized playgrounds don't excite him anymore.  He likes different activities now and it does not include playground time.  I realized our Coby is growing up.  Good thing his Papa saw that he was getting bored and decided to take him to Time Zone.  So no more playground, Time Zone is the new playground for our 8-year old.

But before we left the house, I told my husband that we will just go out, allow the kids to play, and not spend anything.  I don't want the kids to feel that every time we go out, we have to buy something or spend money. We can just enjoy our time together without spending... or so I thought.

Okay, so there we were at Time Zone, both kids wanted to play but I have to stick to my policy of "No Spending Today".  Aha moment! I allowed them to play just one game each and that's it.  Both kids agreed.  Coby spent 18 pesos on his car racing game while Jianne spent 17 pesos for her mini-carousel.  Total money spent on games, 35 pesos.  After both their games ended, they readily went out of Time Zone with smiles on their faces.  No crying, no pleading for more games.  Simply calm and satisfied.

As we hopped on the escalator, our little muncher, Jianne, said she wanted to eat.  This little girl loves to take a snack every so often.  She would always tell me that her tummy is biting her and she needs to eat.  Drama queen, don't you think? :)  Just then we saw the Panaderia Illustrado stand near the exit.  Each of them chose the glazed doughnut, so one glazed doughnut --- 30 pesos, times 2 is 60 pesos.

Panaderia Illustrado's doughnuts

I always bring with me their water bottles wherever we go.  Not only do we save money on drinks but the kids are always reminded to drink water all the time.

Total money spent with the kids on a Friday afternoon, 95 pesos--- very cheap.  But time spent with the family--- truly, truly priceless.

New Family Routine Brings Blessings

Our family's Sunday night routine recently included a family devotions hour.  I have been wanting to start this "ritual" with my family but I have yet to allow my husband to initiate it.  Good thing our pastor introduced the family devotions booklet to the congregation last Sunday and my husband was encouraged  to start spending time with the Word as a family.  

Proverbs 9:10 says, "The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom, and the knowledge of the Holy One is understanding."  My husband led the kids and I in reading the verse and talked about what the verse meant and how we can apply it to our lives.  The devotions booklet also included questions related to the verse and the kids readily answered them.  Although Jianne could not really understand the what we were talking about, at least she was hearing our insights as well as her older brother's thoughts and learning from us too. 

Just before we ended the devotion, our son Coby expressed his doubts whether he will be going to heaven or hell and he was quite fearful about it.  This became an opportunity for me to share the gospel to him.  In my mind, how come you still have that fear because I know that we have been studying about eternal life and salvation since he was 5 years old.  Anyway, after the devotion I explained to him again what salvation is, why we needed to be saved and who can save us.  I saw that was able to grasp what I explained to him, I even illustrated it on paper.  

After making sure he understood the truth about our salvation, I asked him if he wanted to do something about what he just learned.  Without batting an eyelash, he said yes to me.  So I led him to pray the sinner's prayer.  I congratulated him afterwards and told him that he is now officially a Christian, a follower of Christ.  His eyes widened in amazement when he realized that he is indeed a Christian, that Jesus is now living in his heart.  And then his questions kept coming... how will Jesus talk to me?  Will I hear his voice? Will I still sin? All those questions made me realize that he really understood what had just happened.  

Like all of us who chose to follow Jesus, living in this world is not easy, in fact, it is impossible.  But because God continues to supply us with his grace moment by moment, we can go on in this difficult but joyful journey of life with Him guiding us.  

To Multi-task or not to Multi-task

(Imported from my previous blog)

Women, or more precisely, moms have been known to be great at the science of multitasking.  I, for one, has succumb to the call of the times to do hundreds of things all at the same time.  In my pursuit to juggle the daunting task of raising kids, managing a household, loving a husband, not to mention homeschooling and working from home, I am surely tempted to perform all these responsibilities, as they say, in one sitting.  I must admit that I have been a victim of this art, as some people describe it.  Don’t get me wrong, I am not saying that multi-tasking is a crime.  Like I said, I was and still am (in some instances) a multi-tasker but I am able to let go of its hold on my life.

Dictionary.com defines multitasking as the concurrent or interleaved execution of two or more jobs by a single CPU.  Really? CPU? As in computers? I had to laugh for a while after reading this definition.  Multitasking was originally referred to as a task of computers.  No wonder I find it stressful!  First and foremost, I am a human being created by God with feelings.  I am not made to last a millennium.  And second of all, I can REALLY only do so much.  Hey, even computers break down right?

When I began to juggle all my do-lists altogether, at first, I felt a sense of pride.  Wow! I was able to do complete my list, I must be very good.  This multitasking thing is great! I would unashamedly share the experience with other people who don’t have the ability to do it… or so I thought.  Unfortunately, reality bit me and it bit me hard.  Yes, I could teach my son, work with my abstracts, take care of my little girl and entertain calls at the same time but it’s just too stressful.  So, here I am doing three to four things at the same time but what kind of ME is in it.  I mean, I have to divide ME in all these tasks, so I only give let’s say 1/4 of me in teaching, 1/4 in working, 1/4 in caring and 1/4 in calls.  Now is that giving my best? Where’s the quality control here?  I am only giving a part of me, not the whole of me and the recipients are getting not only a portion of my time but the worst of me, the stressed-useless-angry-frustrated me.

Here is how my schedule looked like while I was still multitasking:

Wake up stressed already.  Be on the computer requesting for work while having breakfast.  Wake up the kids and hurry them up, “Faster, I have to do a lot of things today”.  After kids’ breakfast, school starts with the frantic mom always in a hurry thus creating tension between the teacher and the student.  While teaching, I log on again and download work load for the day and constantly standing up to check on the progress of the download.  Not to mention the text messages I have to reply to (do I really have to). Just thinking about it makes me sick really.  Then the self-induced stress continues throughout the day leaving me exhausted to the bones.

Again, as I always do in my aha moments, God has always been the author of my realizations.  I cannot think of solutions on my own, He gives me the wisdom and I owe it to Him always.  So, as I tread on the dangerous (for me) journey, God has opened my eyes to the reality of the craziness I am in.  I am putting my sanity on the line and He  is not pleased with that.  Daughter, how about prioritizing things? Well, I do prioritize but I put them all in number 1.  I realized that there should be a hierarchy in all things.  I don’t have to pull my hair every waking moment thinking of how I could accomplish everything I need to do.

So I asked God.  What do I do first?  What would my day be like if I choose not to multi-task but instead order things and do my best in each task I am set to do?  I tried slowing it down and it worked, really worked.

Now, after realizing that I was spreading myself too thinly I decided to intentionally change the way I manage my day, my life.  I start my day with a conscious effort to read His word first and ask Him what He wants me to focus on for the day.  I leisurely take my coffee or tea for breakfast and listen to soothing music.  I check on the subjects we need to do for the day and remind myself not to put burden on our school time too much.  After giving 100% of my time to teaching the son and assisting my daughter in her writing, school ends for the day.  Right before lunch time, that is the time I turn on the computer, check my email and request for work load for the day.  While having lunch with the kids, I download the  files to save time.  After lunch and playing with the kids for a few minutes, I prepare my mind to write those abstracts.  Depends on the how much load I have, I try to finish it before 6PM so I could spend some time with the kids again and prepare for the arrival of my husband from work.  If the workload is light, I could squeeze some time in the gym for my boxing session.  At the end of the day, though exhausted still, I feel less frustrated, more grateful and looking forward to the next day.

I am not saying that multitasking is bad.  I still do multi-task but on a minimal level only like watching TV and texting or  meditating while taking a bath  But that was my personal experience and if other people can manage it well, good for them.  I was just probably not wired to do it or just getting old 

Mom's Milk

Created June 24, 2011


Breastfeeding is still best for babies…

I was a young girl when I first a mother breastfeed her child.  I was shocked to see our helper exposing her breast while her little baby boy tried to latch on. I tried to figure out what she was doing then I realized she was feeding her baby boy. I did not know that those two frontal bumps had milk in them.  After suckling on her mother's breast, the baby boy fell asleep and our helper put him down and went back to work. 

When I became a senior in high school, we were required to submit a term paper.  As I browsed through magazines at our school library for interesting topics, an article in bold letters struck me, it said, "BREASTFEEDING: BEST FOR BABIES".  I forgot what magazine that was but I knew this topic would be great for my first term paper.  I researched on the topic and finally got to finish my paper in time. After submitting the said project, our English teacher, Mrs. Lee then asked us to defend our project.  When it was time for me to do the defense, she asked me about the benefits of breastfeeding which I quickly answered.  Then her final question was, " If you have a baby of your own in the future, would you breastfeed then?"  Without batting an eyelash I answered, "Of course!".  Then she followed it up with, "What if you have to work, how will be able to feed your baby?".  "I would stop working in order to breastfeed my baby," was my reply.  She gave me a smile and gracious grade after that.

In 2002, I became pregnant with my baby boy.  My husband and I attended a breastfeeding seminar at the Asian Hospital.  There we learned how breastfeeding really works.  We were coached and taught by the wonderful breastfeeding advocates who later became very good friends.  It was my goal then to really breastfeed my baby.

I gave birth a few months after and tried to breastfeed him.  I would go down every 2 or 4 hours to the nursery and try to feed him.  But I found out later that the nurses gave the babies formula in the nursery that is why whenever I try to nurse him, he does not seem interested.  But still I tried as per the nurses’s instruction.  We went home that afternoon and the baby was crying relentessly, I gave him my breast but he was pushing it away.  I tried for a few minutes still the same response.  I felt frustrated and cried because I felt he was rejecting me.  I asked the helper to buy formula because he would not stop crying.  I was so disappointed with myself and could not stop crying.  I tried to breastfeed him for 2 to 3 months only combined with formula feeding.  Until I finally gave up and let the formula do the feeding.

After a while, I became so envious of mothers who breastfed their babies for a long time. My sister in law breastfed all her babies until they were a year old, a friend who breastfed until 3 years old (gosh) and my best friend who did it for 2 years i think. I secretly wished I did the same.  Though I knew it was the best food for babies, I failed to give my son the best. 

Three and a half years later, I became pregnant again.  This time I vowed to give it my best in feeding my baby.  I had to undergo a C-section this time because of fetal distress.  I remember asking for my baby girl to be roomed-in just after a day.  I wanted to do things right this time.  The pediatrician asked me if I really wanted her to be roomed in despite my stitches and I said yes.  So there she was, my baby girl,so tiny.  I tried to latch her on and feed her.  And that continued until she was 2 years and 8 months old. 

Those three years (almost) were filled with joy and frustration.  When she was teething, oh boy, one cannot imagine the pain and I would not share how I felt that time.  Every bite would bring tears to my eyes and vow not to feed her anymore.  Babies grow 20 teeth for the first two years of life, now how many bites would that be? Not to mention the accidental-bite-the-nip-because-the-baby-is-sleepy thing.... But you know what? It's all worth it.  If I could have one more child, which my husband and I planned not to anymore, thank you very much, I would still breastfeed.  I see it as God's wonderful design for mothers and children too.  

Now that she is almost five years old, she would sneak her hand in my shirt once in a while.  Of course, I would stop her especially when she does it in public.  She would also put her head close to my breast when she sleeps.  Lately, I asked her why she keeps putting her hand on my breast.  She tells me, "because your dede (breast) has a magnet!"

The Summer I Met My Son

“The word of the Lord came to me saying, Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, before you were born I set you apart; I appointed you as a prophet to the nations.” Jeremiah 1: 4-5

He was a typical one-year-old boy.  He was full of energy, strong and loved to laugh at lot.  People would comment that he is a happy baby because he smiles a lot.

Then God added years to his life and he began to “mature.”  At three years old, I thought something was wrong with him.  As a wife of special education teacher, I was always on my toes trying to assess him because if indeed there is something wrong with him, I want to address it right away and seek early intervention ASAP.  I searched the net for the “signs” he was exhibiting.  It seems to me he was defying everything I tell him.  He would be opposing me all the time and I found that very frustrating.  So I saw the condition related to autism which is Oppositional Defiance Disorder or ODD.  So I prematurely concluded that Coby has ODD.  I searched the hospital for a developmental psychologist right away to confirm my “findings”.  Finally, we went to see the doctor and we waited while he assessed Coby.   After such time, the doctor spoke to me with a tinge of sarcasm, “Mommy, stop over-analyzing your child.  Nothing is wrong with him.  He is as normal as any three-year-old could be.” I really felt embarrassed and then I jokingly replied, “Doc, do you think I need the assessment?”  The doctor laughed in agreement.

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Throughout the years he has developed close friendships with the kids of former cell group members.  Since they are mostly of the same age, he easily bonded with them and looked forward to every meeting with them.  He also made friends in Sunday school.  Coby looks forward to visiting his cousins and playing with them too.

This summer however, I realized something about our eldest son when he attended our church’s Daily Vacation Bible School (DVBS).  Coby has been attending DVBS for three years now but this year the DVBS program was changed which incorporated more time for games and bible study.  Whenever we get invited to kiddie parties, Coby would not join any of the games.  Despite our prodding, scolding and encouraging, he would glue himself to the chair and not move at all.  Unfortunately, for him, DVBS has more games now and they encourage all the kids to join.  As I looked at the the other kids excitedly joining the games, I watched Coby sit on the sidelines and do something else.  I would observe him everyday for one week and really felt frustrated that despite the teachers’ encouragement, he would still not get up and join any of the games.  One afternoon after DVBS I talked to him and explained to him how fun it is to join those games.  He insisted that he did not like joining because of the noise.  I just ignored his reasoning and continued to talk him out of it.  The following day, I thought my so-called talk with him worked.  He stood up to join but  did not finish the game.  I was fuming mad and acted like a stage mom at that moment.  I was not so proud of how I acted that time, I let the enemy take hold of me.  After that moment of drama with Coby, I told him to go back to his group.

I was asking God, why is my son like this? Why is he not like other kids.  I admit that I was jealous of the other kids’ moms because their kids are “like the other kids”.  But then I realized after much prayer, that each child is unique.  Like what God said in Jeremiah, He was the one who formed Coby in my womb.  He was the one who gave Coby his unique traits, his character.  He already knew Coby was going to be different from the other kids because he created every one special in His eyes.

He does not lack social skills as some would put it.  He relates well with his friends, his cousins,  older people and new acquaintances.  He talks, talks and talks a lot.  I realized he is just not like me.  I am the outgoing, extrovert type while he is more introspective and has a quite nature.  That is why he enjoys drawing because there is not much fanfare when he does this.  Drawing and music relaxes him.  In fact, up to this time he would hum a tune whenever he draws or creates something out of his Lego.  Sometimes too he would hum while munching on his favorite cheezewhiz sandwich.  Although he enjoys playing with other kids, he would prefer being in a small group only. He does not thrive in big group settings because it overwhelms him.  This is who Coby is.  This is how God created him but I know in God’s time Coby would come out of his shell.  In fact, he has been showing confidence in talking to other people and “reporting”.  Because he loves to talk, I told him he could be a reporter someday.  He said no, because he wants to be an inventor (see, even his career is introspective).  Then I said, well maybe after inventing something, you could explain your invention to other people then he said that it was a good idea.

Coby sharing what he knows about dinosaurs to his Papa

I realized that I need to accept how my child is different from other kids, even how different he is from his sister.  He has God given qualities that make him who he is.

I suggested he take soccer for summer, he does not like he says.  Then what kind of sports do you like?  I want golf Mama! Uh oh! Me and my big mouth!